Fart Eat Fart
by Neil Burns


Starring Brooke Burns (no relation) DOG EAT DOG is owned and copyrighted by NBC.


The crowd was going wild and there were three contestents left. The ever-cheerful Brooke Burns oversaw the festivities. The first contestant Justin failed to picked the "bearded lady" out of six candidates and got razzed while he went to the pound. Dineen played "strip golf", but missed all but one of her putts and only removed her footwear and top, choosing to go to the pound instead of disrobing further. Trevor had to walk in heels across the plank to pick up a handbag and walk back, failing both attempts. The blonde ex-BAYWATCH hostess studied the three remaining contestants as she announced the next challenge. The "lucky" contestant had to climb the wall and retrieve six flags in two minutes before water dumped on them and forced them off the wall.

"All right," Brooke purred in her gentle, slight Texas twang. "It's time to choose the loser."

Gail and Trish chose Neil as Neil chose Gail. Shrugging, Neil stripped to his swimsuit and mentally undressed Brooke as she explained the rules. The clock started and Neil took off and scaled the wall like Spiderman. He was able to get six flags before two hundred gallons of water pushed him off into the waiting pool. As he got out, the waiting Brooke gave him a sympathetic hug.

"Neil, darling. That was so close!"
"Well," he deadpanned, "six out of seven ain't bad."
"No. But it is off to the Dog Pound. Sorry."
"It happens."

Neil started to go when Brooke grabbed his hand with a devilish smile.

"Wait. There is another challenge you can take to avoid the pound."
"OK. What is it?"

To his, the other contestants and the audience's surprise, Brooke began stripping. She removed her fringe top and painted-on denim jeans to reveal a sky-blue thong-style bikini. Loud cheers erupted from an appreciative audience. Neil's mind danced with all sorts of wicked possibilities.

"All right. Here's your challenge, Neil. You have two minutes to lick my ass."
"Excuse me?" Neil replied, not hearing correctly as the crowd cheered louder.
"Lick my ass. Thong and all."
"If that's what you want, sure thing."

Neil knelt down, but Brooke put a gentle restraining hand on his shoulder as her wicked smile broadened.

"Hold it, tiger. There is a catch."
"Surprise. When isn't there? What is it?"
"Being from Texas, I am fond of chili. My favorite recipe is my six-alarm nine-bean special. Very good, but it has, shall we say, 'lethal side effects'?"
"Translation: it makes you fart."
"In the worst way. As in, it takes hours to fumigate the house after an attack."
"No problem."
"OK. Start the clock. Neil, start your tongue."

Brooke turned around and gently put her heavenly bottom right in front of Neil's face as he buried his nose between the cheeks and began licking. His tongue danced along the thong and smooth skin. Tastes like a peach. Suddenly, RAAAAAAPPPP!!
A baritone blast sounded as a foul egg-swamp odor burned Neil's nostrils. Two more followed, each louder and longer than the last. Brooke giggled as she reached down behind her and patted Neil on the head.

"Wow!" she cooed. "Doesn't that smell good? I had three plates of my Special before the show so I'm really gassy. Hope you don't mind."
"Oh, God!" Neil gasped. Why did I agree to this?
"It's only been twenty seconds, hon. Keep licking."

Twenty seconds but the stench was already starting to kill him. He was suprised that Brooke would do something like this because she seemed a gentle friendly soul. Screwing up his courage, he continued licking her round firm cheeks only to be blasted in the process. RAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!! FRAAAAAAAAAAATTTT!! OYAAAAAAAARRRRFFFTT!!! BRRRRPPPPPPSAAAAARRRRTTTT!!! Four toxic bass bombs echoed throughout the studio as the hellacious odor burned everyone's nose. The other contestants were hacking their lungs out trying not to gag. Still Neil soldiered on as his stomach threatened to revolt.

"One fifteen, Neil," Brooke announced. "You're doing good. Only forty-five more seconds. You can do it."

This is fucking humiliating. I better get a blowjob for this. Out of the corner of his eye, Neil saw the two girls who condemned him to this, their suffering expressions almost begging him for forgiveness and time marched slowly on. He wondered how much longer he could hold on as his mind fought over whether getting a taste of the hostess' ass was worth getting facefarted.

"That feels so good." There was almost sympathy in her voice. "Fifteen more seconds, Neil. You're almost there."

Thank God. The next time he was on and faced a similar challenge, he would take the Dog Pound. He felt himself descending into unconsciousness to the overwhelming room-clearing odor. Until--

"Time!" Brooke announced, pulling Neil up and hugging him tightly. "You did it!"
"Fucking yipee!" he croaked sarcastically.
"Come to my dressing room after the show," Brooke whispered in his ear. "I'll make it up to you there."
"You're on."
"Okay," Brooke crowed cheerfully at the suffering audience. "I apologize, folks. We'll take a break to fumigate the studio and make sure we didn't lose anyone."

The show resumed with only two people having to be hospitalized for "methane poisoning". Neil pulled through in the final challenge and beat the Dog Pond 3-0 for the $50,000 prize. After the show, he wandered backstage until he found Brooke' dressing room. Knocking on the door, he received a gentle "come in" and entered, seeing the hostess reclined on a sofa in a yellow BATWATCH HAWAII bathing suit. Smiling, she walked over and closed the door. She then wrapped her arms around his neck and placed a warm Texas kiss on his lips.

"How you doing?" she purred as one hand slid to his crotch. "I'm sorry about out there. I hope I didn't embarrass you."
"Course not," Neil smirked dryly. "I always get that."
"You were so brave. I feel bad about doing that."
"Don't. I actually find a woman who farts kind of sexy."

FRRRROOOOPPPP!! A musical fart tooted and an eggy smell filled the room as Brooke wafted her rear end. She led Neil to the sofa and kissed him on the lips as her hands began to unfasten his pants. Lowering them, she knelt and began to gently play with his member, licking and sucking it slowly. Neil moaned softly as he felt his johnson stiffen as he stroked her hair, praying that Brooke locked the door. Pumping it faster, Brooke stood up and pushed Neil into a reclining position. Kneeling on his face, she lowered her head and began sucking the stiffening rod again. ROOOOOP!! ARRRRRRRRROOOOOFFFEEETT!! Two wall-shaking bombs ripped through Neil's face as the stench increased in intensity. Neil moaned louder as he felt himself in Heaven. A hot babe was blowing him and her sweet ass was launching bombs in his face. And he was $50,000 richer. It was a pretty sweet deal.

"Neil," Brooke cooed. "You taste so good. How does my ass taste?"

Neil's reply was muffled, but it sounded like it was in the affirmative. Smiling, Brooke ground and shook her bottom into Neil's face further as four successive bombs exploded into his nostrils. The groaning definitely sounded like he liked it. Brooke suddenly shifted her position so she was lying on top of Neil and wrapped her arms around him as her crimson lips gently planted against his. ROOOOOOOOOAAPP!!
TROOOOOOOAAARRRTT!! Neil didn't mind this at all. Sweet, man! Let her fart her brains out. This is well worth it. Suddenly, a knock came.

"Excuse me, Brooke?" the stage manager called.
"Yes?" Brooke replied, an apologetic smile on her face.
"Time to go. You got an interview in half an hour, plus you gotta pick your kid up."
"OK. Sorry, Neil."
"Don't be," Neil grinned as he kissed her cheek gently. "This was a dream come true."
"You wanna leave me your number?"
"Yeah. I was thinking we could do this again sometime."
"You got it."

Neil wrote down his number as Brooke changed into jeans and a TEXAS sweatshirt. Another kiss and another room-clearing fart and Neil left, a song on his lips at scoring with an ex-Baywatch babe. Brooke smiled and thought that maybe she should do that little "challenge" more often. She fixed her hair makeup and left for her interview.