Flatulent Clairvoyant
by Notemania

Toby wasn’t much of a believer in the supernatural, but thanks to a bet his friends made with him that involved having him visit a self proclaimed psychic, he was pretty much given no choice but to give in.

As he entered the shop, he walked through a set of silk curtains into a small, dimly lit room where he met with a curvy, mature woman who was quite attractive for her age.

“Greetings, young man. I, Belinda the Clairvoyant, have been expecting you.” the lady said. Remaining skeptical, Toby wasn’t quite convinced by this claim, but he went along with it anyway.

“Take your seat young man, and I shall take your fortune.” Belinda said as she pointed towards a cushion on the floor.

As he sat down on the rather plush cushion, the psychic sat on a chair that was across a small table from him. Looking forward, the boy saw the lady’s legs spread apart, giving him a rather awkward view up her short dress which she appeared to have nothing underneath. It was quite an embarrassing position for him, but he didn’t really feel comfortable bringing it up so he just tried his best to ignore it.

“Now, we shall begin” she said as she activated the crystal ball placed on the table between them, with the ball beginning to glow, though all Toby could make out was a light glowing above the table. As the orb glowed, Belinda began performing a chant.

PPPffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssttttttttttttttttt.

As she began her chanting, Toby felt a warm gust of wind blow into his face, and with this gust came a powerful stench. While he didn’t realize it at first, the woman had just let out a silent fart after deciding she couldn’t hold it in any longer. Rather than making a big deal about it however, he decided to hold his breath and hope the smell went away. Unfortunately, this only led Belinda to believe that the boy hadn’t noticed her release, which in turn caused her to see no harm in letting out a few more.

PPPPPfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssspppppppppppppptttttttttttttttt.

PPPsssssssssssssssssssssssfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmppppppppppppppttttt.

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Just as the smell of the first fart began to dissipate, Belinda let out a few more quiet farts that quickly blew into Toby’s face. At this point, the boy had pretty much realized what was going on, but he still wasn’t really comfortable bringing it up, even if the stench was burning his nose.

While continuing her ritual however, Belinda felt that she didn’t feel quite comfortable, so she shifted around a bit in her seat in order to get a bit more comfortable in her seat.

PPPPPPPPPPPRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!

After repositioning herself, the lady let out a significantly more audible fart that once again blasted into Toby’s face. Obviously, Belinda realized that there was no way Toby couldn’t have noticed that fart, so she quickly came up with an excuse in order to save herself from embarrassment.

“That was, uh, part of the ritual.” Belinda claimed to the skeptical boy, “It was, uh, the spirits passing through my body. Pay no mind to it.”

Unsurprisingly, Toby wasn’t very convinced by this explanation, but at this point the powerful stench that surrounded him made it hard for him to think straight, let alone speak out against her obvious lies. As such, he remained quiet, which led Belinda to assume that he fell for her excuse, which unfortunately for him meant that she saw no harm in letting out some more gas as she went through the ritual.

PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!

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“Ahh, uh, your future is quite foggy. This may take a while.” Belinda commented after a few minutes of her struggling to maintain focus, once again making up an excuse to justify her failure to get a clear image. If he was still able to think straight, Toby would have undoubtedly objected by this point, but by now he was completely overwhelmed by the stench, suffering in his mind but completely motionless physically.

PPPPPPPPPPPPPPRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!

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“Ahh yes, I see it now. Your future has been revealed!” Belinda exclaimed after a few more minutes of trying to conjure up a vision, “Through the power of the crystal ball, I foresee you coming face to face with a powerful force in the near future.”

Still barely able to think straight, Toby didn’t quite know what to make of this claim as he was instead trying his best to come back to his senses. Paying no mind to the boy’s daze, Belinda proceeded to get off of her chair to grab a receipt off of a counter that was next to him.

PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!

As she bent over to fill out his receipt, Belinda accidentally let out a powerful blast of gas onto the unlucky boy’s face, which wound up knocking him out entirely.

“Um, whoopsies. I guess I shouldn’t have had that big lunch.” the woman thought to herself as she noticed her unfortunate customer’s body fall onto the floor, understandably embarrassed by the whole ordeal.

A few hours later, Toby woke up outside the shop with very little recollection of what happened earlier. All he remembered was a powerful stench that would likely scar his memories for the rest of his life.